Review by Narayani - 'Blasphemy'

A very close friend of mine, Narayani Karthik, a prolific blogger and a multi-tasker herself, has generously offered to contribute a small guest post on her review of Tehmina Durrani's famous work "Blasphemy". I extend my heartfelt gratitude and hope to encourage more posts from her. Her take and I agree......

"I have read the book blasphemy.....I personally felt it was disturbing beyond imagination........and tehmina durrani is an accomplished author...no doubts but I am not sure if that book is entirely true but yes....it cannot be completely untrue considering the regressive and feudal fabric of their society.....however the flip side of her life is she chose to suffer the horrors of marital abuse at the hands of mustafa her second husband.....'my feudal lord' being her autobiography.....and it is her life that makes me wonder how women can ruin their own lives.....by choice....in her autobiography....she was at NO instance of time helpless enough to NOT get out of the hell hole she jumped in with full conviction knowing in the first place that her husband was a devil incarnate....well......notwithstanding all that.....she is talented and has a great writing style.....my point is a woman needs to stop herself from getting engulfed by some Stockholm's syndrome despite her stack of degrees and professional success.....she has to just fight back.....there can be many emotional loops but then when it comes to a do or die....she must know when to step out and where to shout....and that is what the world needs today...as you have so beautifully pointed out.....she needs to study and stand on her feet and should be able to lead her life sans any dependence on a male counterpart........ The recent lynching incident is a typical mob outburst..and....like showing Mukesh Singh's interview in the recent documentary was ridiculous.....so I heard as am yet to see it...but if they have....it is downright wrong....(except if a few 'shrinks' decided to study the specimen as a case study....if you remember the nithari killings villain who was kind of 'preserved' till he was hanged)......why cant these people just die......and what is the need to study an animal who one knows for sure is a menace......and is supposed to be destroyed once and for all rather than being 'studied'.

Coming to women, high time women need to learn self defensive techniques so that they set examples......that they cannot be walked over like doormats....."

The Quint ‘essential’(??) HIM

                               

In the wake of the recent outcry over what « Mukesh » (read monster in-famed 16th December catastrophe) said, many journalistic masterpieces have come my way, each with a different perception. This is a humble try and a not-so-humble cry to put across what I feel needs to change in our ever-regressing society. With Ekta Kapoor adding crores to her bank account by manipulating the already distraught and misguided junta of our country, it is time we think, act and believe, a bit differently. A recent book that caught my attention, curiosity and empathy, a much awaited read titled ‘Blasphemy’ by Tehmina Durrani, the literary work echoed what lied deep within and what needed to be projected in an attempt to make a difference. Hence, the article.

I wonder why I began with a justification even. Maybe somewhere deep down, women are orchestrated to believe that they are to behave in a certain way. I wonder why. Because my upbringing and the societal set-up did not stop, rather only encouraged my creativities from coming upfront and challenging the patriarchal mind set of our country. It is only when I stepped out of Bombay did I realize that the world is totally different from what I perceived it to be, inside my bubble. My parents and professors had warned me of this but as they say, experience is the best and the worst teacher. With increasing instances of crimes and woman-slaughter in this country, it is really high…or should I say the lowest-possible time to introspect. As I believe, the seeds of crime lie deep within our social structures and the way boys and men are brought up, treated and made to believe, since early childhood. The recent advertisement (is it a pure co-incidence that avertissement in French means a warning??) by Madhuri Dixit on “yeh sikhao ki ladke rulate nahi!” is a welcome change that will make you inspect as to whether the boy in the house is following it! 

Appalling sex ratios are a testimony to the fact that we are regressing and rooting deeper in the rut with each passing day. The quintessential “HIM” or the need for a HEIR carrying the name of the family has blinded people. How about welcoming a HER as well, educating her and helping her stand on her feet so that she too, like her male counterpart, can lead a dignified and a closer-to-just life?  Women too are equally to be blamed in this ‘khandaan roshan’ business with mothers waiting for years to get a bahu rather than their sons getting a wife. Aren’t two mature people supposed to marry each other in equal measure? With more and more girls excelling in every field these days, Indian men are going to have a hard time keeping the ‘Indianness’ of marriages alive. It will take time but a process is already gaining roots in cities and it will surely reach the far corners of the country, albeit at a glacial pace. But somewhere, the change has begun and gladly. 

Globalisation is rightly a ‘do-dhaari talwar’ but we must not forget that there are no free lunches. Development will come at its cost but the least that we can teach our children is to respect everyone equally. Our constitution guarantees Right to Equality where caste, creed, gender, race, language etc. should not be a barrier. Having said that, I (read similar-minded, no-male-haters and believer in equal-opportunities group) am in no way supportive of or justifying the ‘ladies-first’ cult! ‘Give ladies a chance’ in itself is an aberration and ticks off the unjust bomb in my head. The very acceptance of being ‘given’ a chance means that I know that I need one. I don’t. I can make my own name, have my own space and still manage myself without a male supporting me, financially or any other way. It is also not to be forgotten that people of equal merit deserve equal rights and if a lady does not fit the criterias, she should be shown the door. Doors are anyways not always meant to be opened for us! 

Coming back to the upbringing issue, as they say, it all starts at home, like literally. Parents have a bigger responsibility that any other in teaching their kids to be humane, respectable and respecting, just and open-minded. Irrespective of whom they are dealing with, in the society. A cultured person, man or woman alike is the one who treats another as an INDIVIDUAL. What is the need to attach attributes of gender, religion, region, caste or creed to him or her? Why can’t he or she be respected for what he or she is, believes in or stands for? Roles and statuses are a sociological phenomenon concocted to suit the societal needs. If travelling has taught me anything the most in particular, it is the value that is attached to a person, no matter the origin or no matter the work. Why segregate what a man does from what his female counterpart does? Even worse, why judge people on the basis of that? It comes as a shock to me when people pass a judgment on the basis of what I can’t do or rather refuse to do, than on the basis of what I can. The age-old ‘ghar ka chirag’ needs to flutter to throw light at other issues facing our country. We need, as mothers and fathers, to accept that the bride and the groom have been brought up with equal love, effort and dedication. If anything, parents are more cautious when their daughters are anywhere but home given their vulnerability to the insecure milieu outside and thus put in more efforts. Does that make you not have one at all? And since when did you start having a choice anyway? What thought process can be more pathetic and degrading than this? Doesn’t it make you want to teach your son a few things about how he should conduct himself? He too will come across girls who are someone else’s daughter/sister/mother or even grandmother these days! Inhumane and outrageous crimes have cut all age bars!! 

The medieval unjust treatment meted out ever since a child is born needs to be uprooted. ‘Do not indulge in a thing that is unjust, unethical or illegal’ is what needs to be ingrained. It doesn’t matter if you are a boy or a girl. No one is above the law and if such behavioral patterns are nipped in the bud, many less “Mukeshs” will be born, nurtured and cultivated and many more Nirbhayas will be saved. Tell your boys to behave themselves when telling your girls too, to be well-mannered. Else, the day won’t be far where more and more unfortunate lynching incidents too will start to be justified, albeit again, equally illegal!    

KIT KAT break bunta hai ! :)

Changing titles and keeping easily comprehensible ones is under a consideration but my creative independence, however self-proclaimed, refuses to give me that liberty ! So I continue with my tradition of writing weird titles and even weirder posts ! No compulsions on reading...;) In case you do, would appreciate a comment !

I re-read my blog today after 15 months and no other title would have been more apt ! Ironically enough, somebody had asked me a decade back "So what is that you would want to become in your next birth?" I had said without the slightest hesitation "A squirrel !" The same very squirrel is teaching me a nice lesson today by doing a guest appearance in the new Kit Kat ad and the ad says promptly..."Break toh bunta hai !" I relived all those events which had inspired me to write last year and more importantly, had given me space enough to nurture something that I selflessly enjoy....penning down thoughts !! Nothing on this planet could get more enjoyable really ! And I decided at that very instant that no matter what I do in life, this is one thing I am going to pursue !

Would love to dedicate this post to like minded people who claim not to have time (even if they really don't) to go buy a Kit Kat ! Its a shame that my fingers did not wriggle this desperately to type all that rests in that tiny head of mine all this while ! We run and run until its too late to turn back and recall some wonderful moments spent in life and forget to relive them. We let so much time pass that it gets impossible to feel the same again !! I don't want to make that mistake and I urge my friends to join me for instance ! On other occasions, I have been crazy enough not to wisely ask anybody to be in my shoes !! They are way too colourful ! :) Anyways, I just recollected those wonderful times when I was in sync with anything that was more creative in life ! And I suddenly realised that I have taken it too seriously ! Things that I missed in these 15 months...writing, day-dreaming, sheepishly looking at things...and much more !! Though there are things which I will always have time for..food, loud laughter !! :p

True, chapters start and end and you have books to finish but I just took the pains of looking back at the Index and getting the HIGHlights of the recent past ! And I want to do this periodically. It helps preserve friendships, something that I cherish for life, some brush strokes that you can't and you won't want to brush aside, some lovely encounters that last longer than you live and just a rememberance of all these things which has made my life worth a while ! :)

Live it in a way that you would want to relive and not relieve of, every moment of it ! :)

Bien dans ma P(e)au !

C’était un appel de la nature! Je me suis dit « Il faut que je fasse un petit retour sur moi ! Et ça y est ! J’ai pensé à aller à Pau, une jolie petite ville dans le sud de la France d’où on voit les Pyrénées absolument magnifiques ! Quel paradoxe, je ne les ai pas vues de loin à cause de la couverture de nuages, mais j’y suis allée, mais vraiment, dans les montagnes avec mes hôtes formidables, les Asselines ! Il y a à peu près 3 ans qu’ils ont décidé d’avoir une maison au sein de la nature, dans les Pyrénées et ce rêve semblant impossible, s’est réalisé grâce à un travail immensément dur de 7 mois ! Et ils l’ont fait tout seuls ! C’était la première fois que je croisais des gens qui se sentent tellement concernés par les menaces posées sur notre environnement. Leur maison est une véritable merveille, avec l’eau chaude grâce aux panneaux solaires à l’extérieur, l’élevage des abeilles dans les ruches ! Quelqu’un a dit « Si toutes les abeilles meurent un jour, l’homme disparaitra de la terre dans 4 heures ! » Je ne me souviens plus qui !

Le fait que je ne les connaissais pas avant m’inquiétait un peu mais comme c’étaient des amis proches de mes parents de la Rochelle, je me suis jetée à l’eau ! Eau chaude…naturelle !!  Et c’était bien ! On a passé un weekend dans les montagnes : on a déjeuné à 2000 mètres avec une vue panoramique de la chaine enneigée devant les yeux, la cuisine dont j’ai tout aimé (en particulier les cannelés) d’Anne-Marie, la volonté de Denis de faire les travaux dans son jardin sans arrêt, la poignée de main chaleureuse de Sila, leur chienne , la visite d’un vide grenier, l’essai de la cuisine indienne qui n’était pas mal, la marche dans la neige, les discussions autour de la table concernant toute mais, presque toute la terre, les gâteaux irrésistibles et enfin la maison ! Une création aussi sympa pour la vie en retraite m’a donné quand même une petite envie de vieillir un peu plus vite !


P.S : Sorry guys, this post is dedicated to francophones...i will put up a translation soon...

Small spaces Part 2 !

This is a bi-sequel. Firstly since its a continuation to the post "Small spaces", the first part and secondly cos its a continuation to my "Posts-dedicated-to-friends" phase. This one is for you Bansal. It was a promise and not venturing into this one would have meant a broken heart ! Mine, ofcourse ! :)

I wrote the first one exaclty half way into our stay in the land of Sarkozy. I hear his name every 5 minutes just about anywhere. These days, I dream of him. This is a serious issue out here. Now you also know why half the days I do not work thanks(?!!) to the frequent strikes. Anyways...yes so this post shall also talk about the same things but in a different perspective. The way I look at this more so, in retrospect. Bansal hasn't really left us. As I am writing this one, I can actually hear her stupid jokes and her cranky laughter and her yelling at me over the fact that I do not hate Sardars (no offense whatsoever meant). :P So (at) this same little (s)pace again in the 2nd half of the stay saw us howl like mad-heads. I pity her (the space). We still spoke into wee hours of the morning but we did not have to get up half the times cos our bosses were on strike ! :D Those falls in every state reduced since our family helped us with the wine-intake business ! ;) Consequently, the sleeptalk and walk reduced since we slept peacefully and at the cost of being indecent, like logs ! Coffee cups were replaced with tea cups and dust with rain. Terrible weather I tell you ! Govinda songs were replaced with Rajpal Yadav songs and louder laughter. Ramp walks became much more appropriate. Since we had used up half our material, things got less and worst lost, so the time gained was promptly used for more nonsensical talks, the tasty tarts and pizzas were replaced very often with Indian cuisine (I avoid mentioning the menu at the risk of it being repetitive :P...i am sure Bansal you will agree with me on this). Some things however will eternally be the same and they certainly need a mention. I am not scared of a beating anymore cos it wont be so soon atleast ! Yes, so to start with, my self-confidence dampening everytime I tried to wake this babe up. That never did and never shall change ! Period ! I lose. I accept. I have a history of friends having their history of falls. So, undoubtedly, that is eternal as well. Bansal, keeping the tradition alive, did fall newly in every corner of the house and broke some furniture without having a sip of alcohol. Dont dare ask me otherwise ! I will send her drunk to your place ! :D She continued my robe-hunting everywhere on the streets and the sanest thing ever that crossed her ming was to accompany us in Switzerland. This needs a special post cos I turned 25 and it was the best birthday until date. She played a keyrole in executing it. Love you girl ! And we got back and started feeling depressed as unknowingly, the countdown had started ! But well, as I recently read in some book about the present moment being eternal and living it to the fullest moment is the most ideal thing to do, we consoled ourselves. We decided not to taint the most lovely period of our lives spent together with our family, by feeling sad about it !

Everytime I have wine, I raise a toast to you, to us and to our family ! Cherishing it all, life goes on. Hope you are all colourfull in our land ! I shall see you soon girl ! Miss you ! :)

Tchin to Chinar !!!! :D

Well...now first things first...I have to explain what this idiotic looking title means. Everything is written for a reason and this is no exception. I agree that I have some time but not enough to wile it away on blog titles either. Anyways, so Tchin is the sound we make and the word we say ( pronounce it as chin, it anyways gives the widest grin at such times...you will soon know why! ) when we drink wine with the French anywhere on the planet. And Chinar is the tree after which is named my friend's hostel in MICA in Ahmedabad. This freaky creature is my darling and my biggest inspiration to write this particular post. IN SHORT : (for those who are still reading this) : I raised a toast to a particular Chinar tree sitting in Ahmedabad which used to scare my poor friend out of her wits and made her change her sleeping pattern. I am doing the same over this weekend. Hence, the post. Here, I shoot (hope not myself during the night).

So, I landed in France with a comforting thought that I was staying with a family or I might end up staying in a studio, (it costs a hell, therefore, it has to be small, therefore it wont have rooms, therefore, I could sleep alone !!! )were my ensuing thoughts ! I then met a lovely roomie, just like my MICA friend did. We hit off like a house on fire (that happening literally too...galati se) just like my MICA friend did and I forgot that I was scared to death of sleeping alone in a house. It so happened in 7 months that only on a particular night, I was house alone, but I could call another SOS friend to sleep over. 7 months down. Roomie in Chandigarh. I am still in France. People go away. The house is empty. But I am still in the house. And I have to sleep alone tonight. I made the mistake of reading MICA friend's blog where she has weird ideas, which have not helped me really you know...i mean i am scared of my own reflection in the mirror but then ghosts and other planetory or whatever objects passing by without reflection was news to me ! Anyways, at least I was inspired to write. Besides, its keeping me busy !

Yes, so after a smooth ride of 7 months, I am undertaking the biggest venture of my life and I need luck from all you readers. I will write more. If, I survive. Unless if you really did not love my posts, in which case you can wish otherwise. I will welcome all techniques for tonight ! I am going to employ the one suggested by MICA friend already. I think I will sit up studying until 5 am in the morning or just watching a film or TV or some music, my all-time love and life saviours until date and then when all those unseen objects will go to sleep, I shall sleep too. Or maybe, I can keep writing the whole night. No, not posts, i do not wish to be out cast. I love my friends. Or maybe, I can speak to my would be husband. But he is sitting...no sleeping...in India. And I am still here. And he works tomorrow. Let us see (maybe speak). Or maybe, I can speak to some friends who are some hours behind me and still enjoying sunshine !

I am still thinking and I will welcome all suggestions ! All the windows are already shut and all the lights are on. The TV, laptop (obviously) and all other gadgets are handy and I know there is nothing to fear about.

Wish me luck. I hope to see you all tomorrow. If I do this once, I am sure I will manage everytime(!!!??!!!).

Shades of my life !

It has got nothing to do with a shady life ! These are days which I saw in different shades of blues, greens, reds and whites ! I shall come to them individually ! I have been getting up every single day of my stay here feeling a new colour ! Mondays have always been blue ! Now that is not surprising is it !!? A rainbow weekend is often followed by foggy weather, whether you like it or not ! But the tiny ones are such a joy that I feel the colours back ! I saw kilometres of meadows here and I fell in love with green ! The lndscapes are so magnificent and so positive ! I hardly see it in Bombay, and I have it in abundance here ! Its such an optimistic colour ! I saw life and I saw the life of the contryside people too ! They live ! They really do and so do their pets, of all colours ! The best green I loved was the Green Man, the GO man in Berlin, the signal man ! See,,,i said its an optimistic colour ! Nature does teach you a lot ! VERTical is how you should climb in life !! (Vert = Green). I saw blue on other days too ! In the skies and its lines ! I actually realised one day that my definition of a skyline was not really accurate ! But it still shone blue so its ok ! :D And at the same time, I saw the Lady Eiffel behing me, so vehemently lit up ! The yellow shone poise, attitude and pride ! How I loved her ! :) She was also blue towards the year end but she looked beautiful then too in starry nights dressed in a starry robe herself which glittered every hour ! If you see the Eiffe; Tower gliterring at the same time on 2 consecutive days as a matter of pure conincidence, its considered to be heavenly lucky by the way !! :)

Yes so lets continue with different strokes of our paint brush ! Remember ! We are in the tiny world ! And it is RED ! People who have read them will know !!! :D I call them apples. These are the kids whom I teach. They are red, round and they are fresh. So, I call them apples. The red on the cheeks gets redder if they smile and its a hell lot of a task to make them smile ! So its a hard earned colour ! Now you know why it is the colour of love too ! :) A colour of rage, passion, strong emotions and also a colour which makes me stop and think....at the lights ! A colour which the French don't see so often. They prefer lighter shades, in clothes, food and conduct ! You will not see people flaring at eachother that easily !

I am a completely adherent to black ! Its however ironical that paranoia ends with me when it comes to darkness which is pitch black and I do not like solitude either cos idle hours often make me sorrowful, again portrayed black ! But off late, I have fallen in love with white ! I met snow for the first time in such heaps and I fell and I fell for it ! I felt like taking it home in mountains ! I felt purity and peace to its zenith with so much white around me and showers of it refusing to stop ! It was stunning ! The company matters too ! It was so honest and truthful a colour the way I felt and saw it because I was with whom I was, that I donot want to unfeel and feel again the first experience of a snowfall ! A BLAN(c)ket of it!!!! (Blanc = white).

So I try and keep all the shades on me all the time to make my days colourful ! Days make all events and all people around me colourful too ! I EVENTually thank these shades which guide me so much...you know...just how strokin....oopss...strikingly !!! :)