In the wake of the recent outcry over what « Mukesh »
(read monster in-famed 16th December catastrophe) said, many journalistic
masterpieces have come my way, each with a different perception. This is a
humble try and a not-so-humble cry to put across what I feel needs to change in
our ever-regressing society. With Ekta Kapoor adding crores to her bank account
by manipulating the already distraught and misguided junta of our country, it is time we think, act and believe, a bit
differently. A recent book that caught my attention, curiosity and empathy, a
much awaited read titled ‘Blasphemy’ by Tehmina Durrani, the literary work echoed
what lied deep within and what needed to be projected in an attempt to make a
difference. Hence, the article.
I wonder why I began with a justification even. Maybe
somewhere deep down, women are orchestrated to believe that they are to behave
in a certain way. I wonder why. Because my upbringing and the societal set-up did
not stop, rather only encouraged my creativities from coming upfront and
challenging the patriarchal mind set of our country. It is only when I stepped
out of Bombay did I realize that the world is totally different from what I
perceived it to be, inside my bubble. My parents and professors had warned me
of this but as they say, experience is the best and the worst teacher. With
increasing instances of crimes and woman-slaughter in this country, it is
really high…or should I say the lowest-possible time to introspect. As I believe,
the seeds of crime lie deep within our social structures and the way boys and
men are brought up, treated and made to believe, since early childhood. The
recent advertisement (is it a pure co-incidence that avertissement in French
means a warning??) by Madhuri Dixit on “yeh
sikhao ki ladke rulate nahi!” is a welcome change that will make you
inspect as to whether the boy in the house is following it!
Appalling sex ratios are a testimony to the fact that
we are regressing and rooting deeper in the rut with each passing day. The
quintessential “HIM” or the need for a HEIR carrying the name of the family has
blinded people. How about welcoming a HER as well, educating her and helping
her stand on her feet so that she too, like her male counterpart, can lead a
dignified and a closer-to-just life? Women
too are equally to be blamed in this ‘khandaan roshan’ business with mothers
waiting for years to get a bahu rather than their sons getting a wife. Aren’t
two mature people supposed to marry each other in equal measure? With more and
more girls excelling in every field these days, Indian men are going to have a
hard time keeping the ‘Indianness’ of marriages alive. It will take time but a
process is already gaining roots in cities and it will surely reach the far
corners of the country, albeit at a glacial pace. But somewhere, the change has
begun and gladly.
Globalisation is rightly a ‘do-dhaari talwar’ but we must not forget that there are no free
lunches. Development will come at its cost but the least that we can teach our
children is to respect everyone equally. Our constitution guarantees Right to
Equality where caste, creed, gender, race, language etc. should not be a
barrier. Having said that, I (read similar-minded, no-male-haters and believer
in equal-opportunities group) am in no way supportive of or justifying the
‘ladies-first’ cult! ‘Give ladies a chance’ in itself is an aberration and
ticks off the unjust bomb in my head. The very acceptance of being ‘given’ a
chance means that I know that I need one. I don’t. I can make my own name, have
my own space and still manage myself without a male supporting me, financially
or any other way. It is also not to be forgotten that people of equal merit
deserve equal rights and if a lady does not fit the criterias, she should be
shown the door. Doors are anyways not always meant to be opened for us!
Coming back to the upbringing issue, as they say, it
all starts at home, like literally. Parents have a bigger responsibility that
any other in teaching their kids to be humane, respectable and respecting, just
and open-minded. Irrespective of whom they are dealing with, in the society. A
cultured person, man or woman alike is the one who treats another as an
INDIVIDUAL. What is the need to attach attributes of gender, religion, region,
caste or creed to him or her? Why can’t he or she be respected for what he or
she is, believes in or stands for? Roles and statuses are a sociological
phenomenon concocted to suit the societal needs. If travelling has taught me
anything the most in particular, it is the value that is attached to a person,
no matter the origin or no matter the work. Why segregate what a man does from
what his female counterpart does? Even worse, why judge people on the basis of
that? It comes as a shock to me when people pass a judgment on the basis of
what I can’t do or rather refuse to do, than on the basis of what I can. The
age-old ‘ghar ka chirag’ needs to flutter
to throw light at other issues facing our country. We need, as mothers and
fathers, to accept that the bride and the groom have been brought up with equal
love, effort and dedication. If anything, parents are more cautious when their
daughters are anywhere but home given their vulnerability to the insecure
milieu outside and thus put in more efforts. Does that make you not have one at
all? And since when did you start having a choice anyway? What thought process
can be more pathetic and degrading than this? Doesn’t it make you want to teach
your son a few things about how he should conduct himself? He too will come
across girls who are someone else’s daughter/sister/mother or even grandmother
these days! Inhumane and outrageous crimes have cut all age bars!!
The medieval unjust treatment meted out ever since a
child is born needs to be uprooted. ‘Do not indulge in a thing that is unjust,
unethical or illegal’ is what needs to be ingrained. It doesn’t matter if you
are a boy or a girl. No one is above the law and if such behavioral patterns
are nipped in the bud, many less “Mukeshs” will be born, nurtured and
cultivated and many more Nirbhayas will be saved. Tell your boys to behave themselves
when telling your girls too, to be well-mannered. Else, the day won’t be far
where more and more unfortunate lynching incidents too will start to be
justified, albeit again, equally illegal!
